Starting over with a new blog is tough. You miss your old readers, the good friends that have followed your journey. But with a new day comes a new chapter. Bipolar hasn’t always been my friend. In creating this new blog, I have closed the book on many people in my life. I have become a recluse, shutting myself in with my demons. People have let me down so much, that I have just thrown up my hands and pushed everyone out.
Isolation isn’t a healthy thing, but I think it works best for me right now. I will try to use this blog for other things. I will try to write poetry, short stories and be a lot more creative with things. I used to ramble on and on about my online relationships on my other blog and honestly that was getting tired. I was basically fighting a mountain, where every time I posted I would get a sarcastic comment or an instant message. It was stifling. I want to write and write and be free. I don’t want to be censored or coddled.
So its Day One in my Bipolar Life that I have started over. I created new social media, new emails, even changed my phone number. I need to be hidden and find a fresh beginning. I need to find the new niche where I can form healthy relationships. All the toxicity was doing me such dangerous harm. My posts became dark and suicidal, a road in which I don’t want to travel down again.
So today it’s a new day. A bright morning and new beginning. I slept last night, which is a big plus. I have struggled with my sleep over the past few months, and have formed some very unhealthy habits. Napping and oversleeping has let to insomnia and irritability. But as I slept from 11:30pm to 8:30am this morning, I realized that I really CAN shut my mind down and just sleep. I had racing thoughts last night and struggled a bit, but I finally shut myself down. That Klonopin really helps, let me tell you. Even though it’s a medication for anxiety (which I really don’t have), it is a strong sedative for sleep. I was worried about the addictive qualities, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
So, for now, Bipolar isn’t beating me. I think I can manage through today. “Just get through a day,” something my therapist is fond of telling me. Minute by minute, hour by hour. One day I will see the light again, it’s just a matter of when.