The Mental Health Stigma in Dating


How sick of this are you?  I mean, isn’t it bad enough that we have to live with this? I have been contemplating my bipolar over the course of the day and I came to a few revelations. After I sent a goodbye message to my friend on Reddit, who I was emailing with over the past two weeks or so, and sending a goodbye message to the murderer, (yeah I couldn’t really deal with all that), I realized maybe there IS something really wrong with me. I have been cutting people out and sending goodbye messages all over the place for the past month. What is going on with me? Is there some truth to this mental illness stigma? Are we really that screwed up?

I would like to argue that yes, we are screwed up, but who isn’t? I mean I have been straight up ghosted by guys, but at least I have the courtesy to send a goodbye message before I go. I mean yeah sure it’s crappy to leave them, but don’t they at least deserve a goodbye? With a person who didn’t have a mental illness be as kind? My answer is straight up no. Most people dispose other people like garbage and we are the ones who get the label of “crazy” attached to us?

I was just on a forum that got me so mad. (I suggest staying off some of these message boards, there are a lot of mean people out there). Anyway, a guy was on there asking for advice for how to deal with his bipolar girlfriend. Well you can just imagine the responses. A lot of them were like, “RUN!!!” and my favorite was “don’t put your dick in crazy.” Of course you know my comment on the thread was “crazy don’t want your ugly dick,” haha. But I digress, why are people so afraid to date us?  I know I don’t have the greatest track record, but come on!

So for the readers of this post, if you have a mental illness do you disclose it to your potential date? When in the dating process do you tell them? Do you tell them at all or just hide it till it’s deep enough into the relationship to where they have to deal with it? Personally, these days, I have been telling the guys that I have been communicating with that I have bipolar. I am sure the ones I have said goodbye to are telling themselves, “yup that’s what I get for dealing with a bipolar chick.” Oh well.

So disclose or not disclose? I am curious what you usually do. Please comment below.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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7 Responses to The Mental Health Stigma in Dating

  1. great post by the way, i would say wait 6 months… if you guys are still together in 6 months tell him… if he runs away… he wasnt planning to stay… if he does stay then he aint goin anywhere at least for a while..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think it really depends on you as a person. You can’t just ignore the illness because that’s your life. That’s not to say your bipolar is your entire life but anyone with a mental illness understands how much effort and and care must be put into it on a daily basis. The worthwhile guys will stick around despite knowing about your illness, and anyone who uses it as an excuse to leave isn’t worth your time anyways. You don’t have to let the illness boss you around in life; you’re still an individual with a personality and ambitions like anyone else. My boyfriend knew full well that I have MDD, and here he is nearly a year and a half later because he sees me, not the illness.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. shroudedman says:

    Wow – stirring stuff! I can’t comment on my own mental health as I’m extremely lucky and don’t have any diagnosed conditions. However, my most recent attempt at a relationship ended badly (largely, I believe) due to her high anxiety levels. That sounds incredibly crass but there are a lot of clues to the irrational thinking. She demanded that we never contact each other again in any form which I failed miserably. When I sent her an email, I received a teary phonecall claiming that I sent her into a near panic attack and that she was in a terrible place mentally at the moment. I made it clear I wanted some form of contact but she explained that her mental health couldn’t cope with that so for her sake, and health, I’ve had to endure a living hell!

    For the record, she mentioned anxiety from the first date. I only truly experienced it as being part of her from an early phonecall – but by then, I was prepared to accept it readily as part of her. So tell ’em early would be my advice! Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes I have to agree. I am sorry you had such a bad experience. I haven’t had much experience with anxiety but I do know it can be hard to cope with. Someone like myself, with bipolar, I have to say it is difficult for me to be in a relationship. I become excessively needy, and have a tendency to become a bit obsessive. It would take a man of incredible patience to be with a woman like me, and even though he isn’t me boyfriend, I believe I have found that in my best friend. I hope you don’t hold your experience against all people with mental illness, but I agree it can be a tough road. Good luck out there, and thanks for you input, it was very much appreciated!


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