When Life Tells You It’s Time to Let Go


So, I haven’t been around as much, or writing as much because well, there hasn’t been anything to write about. I fell into a slump and kind of stayed there. Until last night. It’s been a while since I had a manic night and stayed up until sunrise. I have to say it was well worth it. I am a huge believer in fate and destiny, and I believe people come into your life at a certain time to send you a message, or to be aware that your behavior needs to change. I had such an experience last night.

I remember writing about my volatile relationship with the Irish Gentleman a while back, well he appeared last night in the Chat I was in and just said he was “worried about me.” I didn’t answer his message, nor did I want to. It was a clear, cut sign that I needed to stay out of Chat, so I left. I ended up spending the evening with the Texan, and we had a very good time. We roleplayed and cybered a bit, and like always with him, it was great fun. I don’t know what it is about him, but I am fascinated by him, and I grow more fascinated as our relationship evolves. He is the one lasting connection that I have managed to hold on to. I don’t know what will happen or what the future holds, (especially since I will be seeking employment), but I am just enjoying the ride as it comes.

Anyway, after both of us enjoyed our orgasms, I was still a little wired and wandered back into the Chat. I was having a nice conversation with someone, when another ghost from my dating past messaged me, haunting me with his presence. The Southern Gentleman was a young man I entertained an online relationship with a while back. Things got pretty heavy and heated and we made a definite impact on each other’s lives. But we come from two very different dynamics. He is a 29-year-old virgin who never had a real relationship (they have all been online). I am a 36-year-old veteran dater, who slept with numerous men, went on countless dates, had three major relationships in which I lived with two of the men on different occasions. My experience and his inexperience is what killed our relationship. His sexual advances were always at the wrong time, and I ended up just getting angry with him often. With a seasoned dater like the Texan, even though he is just a year old than the Southern Gentleman, he knows how to charm and seduce a woman. The Southern Gentleman just used to pounce, a calling card from his inexperience. A man needs to experience dating through trial and error. He needs practice in the art of seduction and charm which only comes in real life interactions.

But I digress. I ran into the Southern Gentleman in the wee hours of the morning and he told me he met someone. I was saddened for some reason, I don’t know call me selfish, but I hoped he would spend his life pining for me. What nerve I have! Haha. He wanted to keep me in his life as a friend, but I didn’t think it would be in his best interest to have me there while he is experiencing his new budding romance. I would just confuse him and mess with his head. I want what’s best for him and if saying goodbye gives him the kick in the ass he needs to let me go, then so be it. I think the book on that chapter is closed. No need to go digging up old wounds.

I guess what I am saying is, life has a way of bringing people in your life to teach you lessons. I hadn’t run into the Irish or Southern Gentleman in quite some time, and having them both show up in one night is just something I can’t ignore. What is fate telling me? I had vanished from every platform they could find me on, including this blog, (which I started over). I think the lesson is I have to stay out of Chat and stay gone so they can move on with their lives. It is romantic in a way that they continue to seek me out, but that sort of behavior is unhealthy especially after I had moved on. I think it’s time they moved on too.

What will the future bring?  Well, nothing is certain.

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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