New Beau, and a Tale of Mania


So, yeah, as all of you know I have had a little issue with my Mania lately. I even picked up a new suitor! How exciting! I am not complaining by any means, because I would rather fly high than sit and stew in my own pot of self-depreciation, and be depressed for like a whole month.

I have to say new relationships always give me butterflies. Who knows? Maybe it will fizzle and die out and we will become totally sick of one another, but while it lasts I am going to fuckin’ enjoy it! Having him, I have to say, has also alleviated the need to go on chat sites. I am no longer searching, so the idea of sitting in a chatroom or dating site waiting for “Mr. Perfect,” is so over. I will just enjoy what I have. There is such a freedom to it! To be “taken” as it were, but not fully in a relationship. I do enjoy these phases a lot, that’s why I think I have such an addiction to meeting someone new. Is that a thing? We should call it “butterfly” syndrome. You know, it’s the rush you get from a new love affair.

But Lancelot, (my name for my new beau), is such a dreamer. He thinks up these fantastic ideas because he is smoking that shit, but I won’t knock him for the Cannabis because I fly nice and high myself without the weed.  It’s funny, but I usually disassociate myself from weed and other drug users, but you know it’s no different from the monks with their incense and psychedelic visions, and the American Indians and their peyote. Some people just need that state of Euphoria to get them to my “high.” I happen to achieve it without all the shit. Imagine if I smoked? Phew, lookout world!

Anyway, things are good, I am not complaining. We text almost every moment of the day so far, and we get lost in psychedelic realities and fantasies. None of it is real though, and I am sure it will all fade away. I mean just a few days ago, I achieved a paramount of ecstasy and sexual satisfaction through mental stimulation with the married man. But he couldn’t stick around because you know, real life and all that. Well fuck him. Let him have his real life. I will stick to my fantasy world for a little while longer.

You know, I have it absolutely made. I haven’t got a care in the world. I just have to stay out of the liqour bottle, take my pills, and try not to end up in the hospital. Those are my only real goals in life. Many people would kill for the life that I have. They sit, on their smartphones, on their dating sites, at their 9-5 jobs, keeping in their best shape, to be a “package” for someone else. Well, I am happy in my own skin with no need to put on a “show” for anyone. I am a sexual twisting tornado when I want to be, as well as a lady at work when I have to be. That’s really all it is, and all it’s about.

Just the simple things.

And the enjoyment therein.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings, shall we?

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Online Encounters, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.