In A Melancholy State of Mind…


So here I am. Another day, another heartbreak. This is becoming a recurring theme with me, but I keep getting back on that proverbial dating horse! I mean, once we give up that’s it right?

So Kurio. Another chapter closed. Again. For the second time. It might be the last time, I am not sure of how I want to handle it yet. He basically said goodbye in his last email to me, and you know what? I am fine with it. Since I shut the “sex” door on him, he took it personally, too personally, I think. The only reason I did that, is I couldn’t get into the sex stuff after I dumped the older gent from California. I mean when I realized I was getting “used” for sex, I mean, I didn’t really feel sexy anymore, you know? So somehow, my cold shoulder translated into me getting the boot. Which is fine. I am personally done chasing men.

Which leads me to my current state. I am not manic and I am not depressed. I am sad, a little. Just a little. I mean I am running around trying to make a connection, and I feel like I am forcing it. The right guy will just come won’t he? And for that matter, do I even want a relationship? I mean I haven’t even reached back out to Lancelot, (The Stoner), and I don’t even think I want to. He hasn’t attempted to contact me either, so I may just leave that alone, for now. I do want someone to play Lord Of the Rings Online with, so I will see if I will dig up that old bag of bones again. I don’t know, that seems like one big hornet’s nest. Lancelot is just too much of a stoner for me to handle. He mentions getting high like every other sentence. That’s a little much don’t you think?

On a good note, I have been writing again. I found an amazing roleplaying partner on that god awful Adult Chat I go to. He is very detailed and very romantic. I can do sex scenes with him like all night. And last night, we didn’t even get into sex scenes, it was more about the story than anything else. I am thinking of getting more partners, by re-joining some roleplaying sites, but we will see what happens.

Anyway, therapy is today so I am looking forward to that. I guess it’s safe to say that I am hanging up my dating shoes for a while. I am a little gun shy at the moment. I am also a bit melancholy. It’s weird, I don’t really feel anything, yet I feel EVERYTHING. I don’t know, could be just another bipolar thing.

Till next time.

Stay tuned.


About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
This entry was posted in Bipolar, Online Encounters, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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