Let’s Talk Sex and Romance


So the past few weeks have been harrowing, and through all of it, my relationship has taken a beating. What does romance mean to you? I mean we all know what sex means right? Not only does it sell products and merchandise, but people love orgasms. But doesn’t everybody though?

With me backing off helping my mom, (after she took a jab at my bipolar illness), I have had time to focus in on my current relationship. I am not gonna lie to you. Things have gotten fucked up and completely outta hand. My anger is getting out of control, and the Captain is starting to get really upset. Things that were so carefree and easy are now difficult, and even getting an orgasm has become a problem.

There is way too much going on, in my life and in his. I think somewhere along the line we lost the romance and the tremendous love that brought us together. Being bipolar with ridiculous mood swings hasn’t helped the matter, and trying to navigate a partnership with someone who seems innocent in the face of dysfunction is difficult.

So what is my solution to fix things when they seem rocky? Throw sex at the problem. I know, I know, that’s just a Band-Aid solution, but who says no to a good orgasm right? WRONG! I can’t throw sex at it, especially when I am not into it. Damn, I used to be so good at faking it. As a woman, (most of us), we tend to fake it to make the guy happy. Seriously, lying there like a dead fish isn’t helping anybody, so we might as well make our best Academy Awards performance.

Over the years, I have been pretty good at knowing what I want and getting it, sexually. The romance of it though has been pretty much dead-end. I have had such trouble finding a gentle soul who is deeply romantic and wanted to share it with me. Now I have a man who is in deep, monumental love with me romantically and finds me so alluring, that almost anything suggestive I say, do, or even wear inspires a rock hard erection. So what’s the problem? I am a goddamn mess, that’s the problem. All my life I have been searching for the real thing, and now that it is directly in my face, I am totally screwing it up.

Aside from getting my anger under control, I want to try to inspire the romance again. The Captain is a deep romantic, and loves grand gestures, so I am going to try to take the “sexpot vixen” persona out of the equation and try treating him with some love and gentleness. I know what men want sexually, and I know how to please a man, but being TOO sexual all the time, can be a bit daunting. You can easily fall into a pattern where you end up looking at your partner as a “walking orgasm” and you kind of lose all sense of what they are as a person.

Approaching 40 has taught me a lot of things. Besides being a hot cougar, (I can’t say MILF because I don’t have kids but I have been called it anyway), I have learned some of the real things men desire. All you have to do is wear the sluttiest things he wants you to wear, and say the sluttiest things he wants you to say. I have even called some guys “Daddy” in my time, which made me cringe, but hell I did it anyway. It got him off, which in turn leads to getting me off too.

Being sexy comes natural to me. I LOVE to flirt, and I LOVE pushing the envelope. Sex appeal can be classy. I draw my strength from women like Marilyn Monroe and Scarlett O’ Hara, who both knew how to get what they wanted from men. It has backfired on me many times though, where I find that I have fallen victim to men who were jerks, but that happens to a lot of us ladies.

So the thing to do now is try and resurrect the romantic side of me, and show the Captain deep love and affection. I have been concentrating on his cock to get his mind off my anger, behavior, and stress that I have been going through, but I think all that sex needs to come off the table. I really don’t want him to see me as sex object, even though sometimes I don’t mind. I know that sounds terrible, but I get great satisfaction at the fact that I don’t even have to try hard to turn my man on. And with my flirtatious nature, when men flock to me, he doesn’t even get mad, he gets even more turned on! Boys want what other boys want, after all.

So ladies, when you are enjoying your man and the sex is fantastic, I think it is good to step back and realize that you are both human beings not sex toys. Romance makes sex even more rewarding, and if I would get my head out of my “perverted clouds” my relationship will be able to blossom and grow even more.

Time to put the vibrator away too.

Wish me luck!

Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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2 Responses to Let’s Talk Sex and Romance

  1. Keeping the romance is a hard thing to do, I found I had fallen into habits. My wife (as much as I hate to say it: soon to become ex-wife), the romance had died, the sex was all but off the table. We are both ill, different illnesses, my Bipolar took off and I was angry all the time. Angry with her. Angry at myself. Angry at life. At the time, it felt like I’d been dealt a bad lot, but I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was putting myself last and I resented myself for it. I was no saint. I am far from it. I looked elsewhere.
    We’ve sat down and had to talk about our child, it is the common ground and it helps us talk as adults and not let the crap get in the way.
    I’ve heard every ounce of advice from friends. It hurts that I can’t turn back the clock and say to myself: get help. Maybe. Maybe. Who knows. I am where I am. Calmer.


  2. Pinning it to sex is easy: sex is something you can work on, easily: go to a sex shop, buy the outfit, buy the toys … the intimacy is the hard problem, no pun intended. The intimacy to say: this is what I want, this is what I want to happen. Not in a sexual sense, but deeper. Sexual desires are hard to convey, if you think they could be a little too ‘out there’.
    Anger is a terrible thing, when it hangs over you like a cloud. It taints everything you feel. Resentment. The ‘why don’t you get it’.


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