Trust me this is not some rant about “Girl Power!” (Cue Spice Girls?) but I am honestly deeply disturbed in my heart at what #MeToo has become. Jill Messick’s story hit me really hard, probably more than it should have, because I never heard her name before last night. And at first I was deeply saddened and heartbroken, but then I got angry; terribly angry at what this whole movement has become. Don’t get me started on what happened to Aziz Ansari. Well let me just address that before we go any further. This comment that I posted on a Reddit forum, pretty much sums up my feelings on that situation:
As an older woman now, I look back on my life at all the mistakes I have made. Did men take advantage of me? Yes. Do I blame them for it? Hell fuckin’ no. When the hell are people going to take responsibility for their actions? Women are sometimes scared to say no because they feel if they don’t “perform,” the guy won’t like them anymore, stop calling, or find another girl who will put out. That’s the reality. Is it the guy’s fault for our fucked self-esteem? No way.
Screaming sexual assault and rape for situations that were in your control diminishes the actual victims of such horrible crimes. I have never been such a victim, but I have had many, many sexual encounters that I regretted and maybe I was pressured into. The point is I will never blame any of the men of my past because I always had a choice. Mind you, I was a minor in some of these situations, and STILL it was always my choice. Women have a choice these days, more than they ever did. Its not the fucking 20s anymore.
I was so mad when this story hit because not only do I love Aziz, but this directly impacts how men feel about courting women, and how scared they will be now to even ask a lady for a drink. Aziz isn’t in the clear, he was pushy, but far from assaulting. Romance has been on a decline for years, and shit like this just kills it. You win “New Generation of Women” don’t let me see you fuckin complain that guys don’t approach women anymore, and have fun telling your grandkids that you swiped right on Grandpa on Tinder. Don’t be ashamed that you have to devote all your time to the internet to find a guy now, because that devishly handsome blue-eyed stud that you’ve been eyeing at Starbucks will NEVER ask you out because dumb loose women with “Fake News” stories made him too scared.
So yeah, there’s that. “Grace” and all her delusions of “meeting a celebrity, magically getting whisked off to Hollywood Heaven as his new girlfriend, and getting bathed in diamonds” got her exactly to where she put herself. And no, I am not ashamed to say it.
But let’s not lose focus, the woman of the hour is Jill Messick. I don’t know about you, but I think Rose McGowan has totally lost it. At first, when the Weinstein story hit, I was right there applauding and cheering her on, actively following her on Twitter, and showering her with praise for all her bravery.
Until, I started paying attention.
Rose started getting ugly. Like really ugly, in a painfully bipolar way. Before you go hating on me for throwing around that stigma, I AM the stigma, because being bipolar myself, I know EXACTLY what that looks and feels like. It’s hate that comes from your underbelly, and you lash out at everyone and everything. I have done this many, many, times in my life when I was in a manic rage; from cursing out all my friends on Facebook, to trying to destroy a wedding, (because deep down I was really jealous), to hours and hours of angry, psychotic, phone calls, (Twitter wasn’t as popular when I had the really BIG meltdowns).
I have seen Rose McGowan turn into a judgmental, hate monger over the past few months, and started hearing really nasty, vile remarks during some of her interviews, and I have to be honest and say, it made me cringe. The worst part? Hating on other women. I know some have argued that this “New Type of Feminist” not only hates on men but hates on her fellow women as well, and where I would agree to an extent, I can also see her point of Hollywood’s hypocrisy, especially the hypocrisy of the women in the industry. Oprah #2020? As much as I love Oprah, I don’t think so folks, she’s been hugging up to Weinstein for years, so don’t even go there. But I am not gonna hate on her, because you know what? The money was there. It was there for all of them, and they took it.
Anyway, in my humble opinion, this #MeToo and #TimesUp movement, went way off course. It’s become a nasty “he said, she said” fight to the bitter end in most cases. I agree something desperately needed to be done about Hollywood, because men like Woody Allen and Roman Polanski were running around free, preying on women way back when, and got away with TONS of shit.
But, Jill, poor Jill. She paid the ultimate price. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her. Being a young female manager trying to make your way into a predominately male industry, and having a young client of yours, (Rose McGowan), get assaulted (allegedly), and then screaming to your boss about the injustice, all to have your voice not heard? And then, Rose goes on and makes her career through Weinstein, and over the years, you think that it is all dead and buried because everyone is rich now.
Fast forward to 2018, and the Fall of Weinstein, and then the rise of #MeToo and #TimesUp, and your name gets dragged through the mud, (from both Rose and Weinstein), despite the fact that you tried to do the right thing by her years ago. Add on top of that a heavy history of manic depression, guilt and shame, and all levels of shitstorms that must be coming down on you from your peers. So you finally decide to end it all, and leave behind your husband and beautiful children.
I can’t explain the heartbreak I feel for what happened to this woman.
In a time where woman should be banding together and strengthening each other through sisterhood, why is there still so much hate?
Jill’s death was senseless, and what plunges the dagger deeper into my heart is that people are actually saying she was a coward, and basically martyred herself, only to strengthen Weinstein’s case.
If you have ever been suicidal or really depressed, you know, first hand, just like I do, what a slap in the face it is to hear how ignorant people still are about mental illness, no matter how much education on the subject there is out there.
I mourn for Jill today.
It’s another flame extinguished way too quickly.