What It Is That I Really Want (Finally!)


Money. Is that what drives you? Is that what you depend on for everything? Do you put money ahead of your friends, family and overall health and life? If so, I suggest you do a major overhaul pronto!

I have lived on disability for the past 11 years making $1485/month which comes out to roughly $350/week, and you know what? I was just fine. Sure, I was living with my parents, but I had everything I needed and wanted and I lived in a magical place with all these wonderful people as my neighbors.

And that’s how it’s going to stay.

I will be honest with you, the spirit of my son is still with me. I know to the average person, or non-believer, this may be farfetched or shrugged off as nonsense – especially in the scientific community.

The fact of the matter is I had my chance at a multi-million dollar career in either finance, technology, science, or any form of art – like singing, dancing and writing.

I know why I cry now. I cry for James, and I cry for my son. When I finally get my period, his spirit will leave me and the marks and swelling of my over-inflated stomach will go down, because whoever I was died with both my husband and my son. I am a shadow of the person who I used to be, and I think I am done in the corporate world.

I just got myself enrolled in an amazing medical plan that will help me on my road to recovery, weight loss and overall good mental health. All I need is about $1000 more a month and I will be okay. I need just enough to pay rent and a few bills with some extra cash on the side to be happy.

I will write for free.

I will sing for free.

I will dance for free.

I will trade on the stock market for free (just invest and throw all the money in not making a profit).

I will even give the country my patent of the “Yoga Chair” (make it a national item American made) so that everyone can get it for free.  I will just give away my idea and ask for no profits – I don’t want it.

All I want is to keep some of the things I have going on right now – I would love a job teaching Science to children, I would love a job as a dog walker, I would love a job bringing alcohol to your door too!

I have had my fill of this world. This world murdered my son and killed my husband’s spirit. What they did to me in there was so unforgivable and so much of a sin, I swear that mark of pain is still with me – I carry it in my face and I know people can see it.

So here is where I will stay – in Long Island, by the beach (I want to go to Long Beach), living my life till my dying day. I don’t know if I will ever have kids – or ever get married – my heart and my life died with my son, and died with James.

I am the last of my kind.

Be kind to me, I just want to be at peace now.

All my love,


Stay tuned.

About shatteredwishes

I am in my late-thirties just trying to figure out life in a big city. "When in life you are handed lemons, make a vodka martini." "When I am happy I enjoy the music, but when I am sad I understand the lyrics."
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